I received an email the other day from a friend of mine, containing a blog written by Cecil Murphey called "A Screaming Place", courtesy of crosswalk.com . Cecil wrote that sometimes people don't feel like coming to church and worshipping together; sometimes you are just in a place in your life where you have a need to scream. Well, I don't advocate that between the choir's special number and the bible passage there should be a time to let out your primal roar...but I understand what Cecil was getting at.
I have been there. I have been at the edge of the frayed end of the tiny cord that is attached to my sanity and my faith. I have been so utterly overwhelmed with life that there are no coherent thoughts left, there is only a question mark. My desperation releases itself in tears rather than screams, however. And when Cecil heads to the car, I head to a room where I can close the door and fall on my knees.
We all have our prayer closets and that's where I go because I know when I am in that state, when I have nothing and no one left to rely on but God...certainly not myself...I have to go to Him and let Him hear my cry.
If you ever think that no one felt the way you are feeling, when you are that low...read the Psalms and think again. Read about Job in the ash heap. Read about Jesus in the Garden.
I have to admit I didn't use to understand what it was like to feel this way. When I was younger, before the stuff of life hit, I really did think that Christians had bubble wrap around them. I certainly lost that false notion.
Life hits us all. Hard. And sometimes you need to scream. Sometimes you need to fall to your knees and sob till there are no tears left. Sometimes you need to run till your feet are bleeding.
The comforting thought is that God understands. He has heard it before and it doesn't scare Him. Your questions, your asking "Why" doesn't change Who He is or what He can do. What it can do is release your mind and your spirit from the entrapment of self and allow you to wait on Him for answers.
"Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord...we will wait upon the Lord...we will wait upon the Lord."
Go ahead...scream, cry, run, ask...and keep on asking. Then wait for the Answer. He will come. He will strengthen you.